I've always been someone that was a little bit left. Never fully understood, just a bit different.
I was never all the way into what everyone else was into. My focus has always been somewhere else and I never thought too much about it until I got older and saw how drastic the separation could be at times. I started to notice what I truly had no interest in and what I was fascinated by in comparison to the world. With social media it's easy to see what everyone is talking about at any given time, what the gossip is and what everyone seems to chime in on at the same time and where there are *crickets*.
For me I'm a music and people person. I love and gravitate towards all things music and human being related. Whether that be singers, songwriters, production, interviews, concerts, etc. I am always on the look out for new music to listen to, new artists to connect to and opportunities for me to go out and show love at a show. I'm the type to want to go to meet and greets to vibe and connect with someone I support. I'm the kind of person who wants the chance to look someone in the eye and tell them to their face that I rock with them and believe in them. To share in that moment and connect.
I've gone to great lengths to make things like this happen, well in other people's eyes it seems like great lengths. But for me personally I just don't give up easily and will always find a way to indulge in those moments. To go to a show, to meet someone I rock with and enjoy the atmosphere that those spaces create. It's what makes me happy and feel most like myself. It's where I feel the most at home and free. In those spaces, around those like-minded people who feel the way I feel and therefore are there to share in the same experience.
I've been thinking about this for the last few days and it's important for me to feel like myself. There was a space of time where I didn't feel much like myself. I felt numb to emotion and like everything was blurred together. The highs and lows, the joy and sadness were all on the same plane. That's not me at all. It was ugly and I didn't like it all so I had to dig in and get back to me. Get back to the Kevonne who feels everything and is not hesitant in expressing it. The me who gets excited and squeals and has enough energy for two or three people. The me who cries oceans when necessary and goes into so much depth when expressing something from my heart. I had to get back to her, to me. I didn't automatically know how I was going to do that but I just knew that I had to and I did.
I went to a concert.
Okay...... not just any concert and not just one. I went to see Kehlani perform in San Francisco on June 17th. I've had these tickets for months but one concert turned into 3, in 3 different cities, within one week. Yeah it might sound crazy and that's exactly what some people told me. But for me it was exhilarating and incredible. It was just what I wanted to do and felt in my heart that I had to do. It happened without hesitation and just felt natural. I saw the opportunities present themselves and said why the fuck not? It didn't interfere with my work schedule and it was something that made me happy so I had to do it. I immersed myself in joy, excitement and filled myself up.
It felt super good and even to this day I am reminiscing on each night, the love I felt and just how much inhibited joy I felt running through my veins. There is nothing like it in the entire world. So I say all that to say, that sometimes you have to just let people look at you like you're crazy. Don't let what other people think stop you from doing what makes you happy. Don't let the words and judgement of others weigh heavy on your shoulders. Dust it off and say Cest La Vie!
Life is too short to not be happy and to not feel free in your skin. Seize opportunities that make you feel alive. Be excited about things. Be you. xo